Helping a Friend in Need

When asked to describe a good friend, many people put "always there for me" at the top of the list. That description can mean many things, but it mostly refers to emotional support. "A friend who is always there" means the friend celebrates good times and is supportive through the difficult times. True friendship shows itself the most when it's time to help a friend in need.

One of the hardest things for most people to do, even with good friends, is to ask for help. Asking for help feels like admitting failure. Many people would prefer to manage a problem alone. Admitting that a problem can't be solved without help is a big step. Some people are comfortable asking for help when they need it, and some people are not.

Often, a person notices that his or her friend is struggling with a problem and wants to offer to help. Offering help requires sensitivity. People who have a hard time making a call for help may also have a hard time accepting help from others. When others offer help, the person may feel as if he or she is being perceived as incapable of handling the situation. This may be taken as insulting, even if the offer is well-intentioned. A friend may have an easier time offering help, because the friend and the person in need of help have an established relationship of trust and shared experiences. As a result, the friend in need is more likely to realize that the offer comes from a place of caring and concern.

What are some good ways to offer to help a friend in need? Try these suggestions:

Timing. 
Choose a time to talk to your friend when the two of you can speak alone and without distractions. Face to face is preferable to on the telephone, so, if possible, get together and talk. Otherwise, choose a time for a phone call when both of you have time for a quiet, uninterrupted conversation. Starting the conversation this way shows that the friend is deserving of focused attention and establishes the friend's importance.

Ask and Listen.
Ask the friend how he or she is doing, and then listen to the answer, without interrupting or offering any advice. Just listen. Something as simple as quietly listening can be an important way of showing that you care.

Express Concern. 
After the friend has talked about his or her problem, gently restate back to the friend what the problem is, and express your concern and caring. Let the friend know that you care about him or her and would like to help in some way. Be prepared for an initial refusal. Remind the friend that you care. Ask what you can do to help him or her solve the problem.

Figure Out the Best Way to Help. 
Do not expect to solve the problem for the friend, as much as it may seem tempting to do so. This approach could cause resentment. Instead, try to think of some ways in which your help can make it easier for the friend to solve his or her own problem. This keeps the friend in need in control and shows the friend that you know he or she is capable of solving the problem. Offer to help free up your friend's time. Say you're available to babysit, or bring over a meal.

A depressed friend may need some companionship and cheering up. Maybe bringing over a funny movie and popcorn would be a good distraction, and just what is needed. In general, try to involve the friend in thinking of how you can be of help.

Don't Judge. 
People tend to be embarrassed when a problem becomes too big to handle alone. Being judgmental can cause further embarrassment and might alienate your friend. Remember to always come from a position of caring, and be as understanding as possible. Think of how you would like to be treated if the roles were reversed. Also know that when a person helps another, the one being helped may feel indebted to the helper. Tell the friend that he or she can thank you later by taking you out, or just by being there for you when you need support. Reassure your friend that friends help each other, and that's what you are here for.

Communication Is Key. 
Regardless of whether or not your friend accepts your offer of help, provide your continued support and caring. Keep the lines of communication open, and continue to check in with your friend.

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